Dioji Tribone - January 2009

The loss of an animal companion can be one of the most profound losses we humans experience. It’s also not uncommon that our first loss in our life will be that of our first beloved pet. How we are taught to deal with that loss will set the tone for how we deal with loss during our life time. The human-animal bond refers to that strong positive interaction that exists between humans and animals – the special bond that enhances human quality of life. The loss of the human-animal bond often results in grief. Grief can be described as emotions and behavior that ensue when a love relationship has ended. The closeness of the love relationship will be predictive of the intensity of the loss. In the context of the human-animal bond, individuals value the relationship regardless of species. In addition, grief may be compounded by the lack of support or understanding about the significance of the loss.

It’s not unusual for individuals to share that losing their pet was more painful than losing a close family member. Despite their experience of loss; many are ridiculed, teased, or have their feelings dismissed and so choose to hide their intense pain.

One man shares, “Don’t tell me he was “just a dog,” he was by best friend, my family, and my confidant.” Don’t ask me “if I’ve “gotten over it yet”; I’ll never get over him.” A woman describes her boss’s thoughtlessness, “It’s just a cat - you can get another one at the pound.” Her response, “If my husband died or my home burned down, I could get another one of them as well – it’s about the relationship and I loved my cat more than I believe I’ve ever loved anyone or anything.” Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for these attitudes to come from family members, friends, colleagues, and employers. Even therapists have been reported to have made such hurtful remarks. As people are educated about the human-animal bond the goal is that they will come to have a greater appreciation for the relationship.

Having the choice of euthanasia presents a difficult dilemma for individuals. There is no real comparison with the loss of loved humans, because we do not euthanize human beings. Nothing seems to complicate the grief process like the guilt that may accompany the responsibility of ending the life of a dear friend that you have loved and nurtured. Having noted this, it seems that guilt is the biggest hurdle for people to handle. Although euthanasia literally means “good death”; nothing good comes with the responsibility of this decision. Many individuals who elect to euthanize are often stuck in the “what if’s” and need considerable guidance to make peace with their decision. Ironically, for most animals, euthanasia is our last final gift to free them from a body that has failed them. Group support can be a powerful healer as members may forgive themselves as they forgive one another. Sometimes, it is through this sharing that people come to trust their decision. Alternately, it helps to simply ask them if their pet would want them to be experiencing so much psychological pain. Inevitably, the answer is “no.”

Click here to read more about Pet Bereavement.

If you are interested in more information about Shiva’s Center or pet bereavement, please go to www.shivascenter.org. Dr. Lane is a co-owner of C.A.R.E. Hospital and founder of the non-profit, Shiva’s Center for the Human-Animal Bond (both are in honor and memory of her beloved golden, Shiva).